


Babysitter Needed

by SeasonsofLauren



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Anal, Anal Sex, Angst, M/M, Praise Kink, Slow Burn, babysitter!au, little angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-05 13:17:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15171542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeasonsofLauren/pseuds/SeasonsofLauren
Summary: Peter is a starving college student who makes money babysitting. Wade is a single father who is in desperate need of some help. Neither knows what the other does with their free time.This is a submission for the Spideypool Big Bang 2018





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here I am again with for the Big Bang! As always I had a great experience and hope to do it again next year! Please let me know what you guys think of it!
> 
> Go [ here ](https://kari-vader.tumblr.com/post/175560588688/my-art-for-the-spideypool-big-bang-2018-for) for the accompanying art by K_Vader!

Peter nearly trips over his own feet when he hears his phone start vibrating. He has one and a half legs stuck into his spider suit as he stumbles across his room blindly. Aunt May is the only one who ever calls him, and only in a rush, so Peter’s heart is beating out of his chest. Nearly breaking his wrist as he lunges for it, Peter slides his phone open to huff, completely out of breath, “Hello?”

 

A gravelly voice that clearly doesn’t belong to Aunt May responds, “Is this Peter Parker?”

 

With the phone sandwiched between his shoulder and his ear, still shimmying into his suit, Peter responds, “That depends. Who’s asking.”

 

“Wade Wilson.” Peter doesn’t recognize the name so he lets the caller explain as he starts to pull on his shirt, “I’m looking for a babysitter and I heard that you’re reliable.”

 

Totally disheveling his hair, Peter hurries to pop his head out of his shirt to excitedly shout into his phone, “Yes, yes. I would absolutely love to babysit for you. When would you need me?”

 

“Right now,” Peter stops dead in his tracks, left reeling at the audacity. “Or at least as soon as possible.”

 

Looking down at himself, half dressed Spider Suit, Peter stutters out, “I- I can’t really right now. I’m kind of in the middle of-”

 

“I’ll pay you $100,” Peter starts to blurt out another refusal before Wade cuts him off, “Per hour.”

 

“I don’t think I can-wait, what the hell?”

 

“I’m desperate.” The deep gravelly voice-Wade Wilson’s-honestly sounds strained, like he’s at his wits’ end. 

 

Peter is ready to say no again, but he looks around his abysmal studio apartment. His fridge is practically bare as he lives off of babysitting money alone, not able to keep a real job with his impossible lab hours and required dark room time. He’s lived off ramen for far too long. He looks down at his suit conflicted, but Peter know that he’ll be no good to New York starving and half dead. 

 

“Okay,” He hears a heavy sigh of relief on the opposite side of the line. “Where do you live?”

 

 

It has taken Peter two subway stations and five bus stops, draining the majority of Peter’s pizza splurge funds, and a fifteen minute walk to stand at this doorstep. Peter hesitates to ring the doorbell as he stares at the crisp, matching green lawns in front of houses the size of Peter’s entire apartment building. This particular house, whose address Peter has checked six times, is the smallest in the whole neighborhood but it’s still overwhelming with its looming red brick and arching white Ionic columns. 

 

Taking a deep breath, and reminding himself that he needs this money now more than ever after the expansive trip over, Peter rings the doorbell. He waits, fidgeting with the sleeve of his flannel as he nervously looks from house to house. His eyes snap back to the door when he hears the lock flip, and his eyes widen as it swings open.

 

There are scars. Everywhere.

 

So much everywhere that they cover the bald head down to below the collar of a crisp dress shirt. 

 

Peter is frozen in absolute shock. He knows it’s not nice to stare, and this is leaning towards the side of excessive staring, but he can’t help himself. Regardless of the scars, Peter can tell from the stretch of the fabric over the broad shoulders and the piercing, crystal blue eyes that this man is hot. Peter’s heart is beating in all the wrong ways for all the wrong reasons.

 

But his hesitance must be taken the wrong way as the man crosses his arms (pulling the seams even tighter that makes Peter’s mouth water) and sets his jaw in a defensive way. His eyes narrow but Peter’s jaw clicks shut as he tries to ration through how to recover from such a social blunder. There isn’t really any good way.

 

The impressive man opens his mouth to say something, clearly pissed off, but he’s pushed out of the way before anything comes out. Peter stares in continuous shock, and a sizeable amount of amusement, as a small girl darts out from behind him to peak around. Her curly, dark brown hair is pulled into a messy ponytail and her eyes bore into Peter’s very soul with their childish wonder and easy assessment as she asks, “Are you here for babysitting?”

 

Still stunned, Peter hesitantly nods.

 

Not needing any more answers, the small girl darts out from behind the man’s leg to grab Peter’s hand. She pulls him through the doorway, past the equally stunned Wade. Peter is forced to walk slightly hunched over to not have his arm pulled out of his socket as the girl begins to talk, “Ignore Wade. He’s kind of hard to get used to, but he’s not always an asshole.”

“Hey!”

 

The small girl doesn’t even turn back to address her dad’s (guardian’s?) indignation, but Peter can’t tell if it’s at the profanity or the insult. Regardless, Peter can’t help but snort, which gets another shout. The small girl keeps walking and explaining, “He goes off to work a lot. Usually Auntie Emily hangs out, but now she’s moved to D.C., so you’re her replacement.”

 

Peter can already tell from her tone of voice that she doesn’t want to be talked down to, so he says in an even, adult voice, “I would be absolutely honored. If we’re going to be hanging out, what kind of things do you like to do?”

 

Still charging ahead through the house, clearly angling towards the very back. She answers evenly, “I have a lot of dolls.”

 

“Do you like to play with them?”

 

The girl throws a smile over her shoulder before answering, “They get the job done.”

 

In the most dramatic fashion possible, the girl yanks open a door at the end of the hallway. Inside is a large room bursting with all types of dolls, whether it be Barbies or Bratz or even those body positivity ones that are anatomically correct. There are multiple full sized doll houses with varying sizes and themes. Getting the job done was definitely an understatement. 

 

Right as Peter picks up a doll with pointy ears on the top of hear head and heavy sideburns, maybe a werewolf in a miniskirt, he hears over his shoulder, “She likes to brag about her dolls. It’s endearing.”

 

Peter whips around to see Wade leaning against the doorframe, watching Ellie go back to playing with her dolls. Remembering that this is job that he hasn’t even been given yet, where he might get a lot of much needed money, Peter stands up and gently places the doll back where he found it. Wade gestures out of the room with his head and Peter quietly follows him staring at the back of his head. After a decent amount of exposure, Peter has gotten over his initial shock but he still has no idea how to apologize for it.

 

Once they pass through a giant archway leading into a spacious living room that would be beautiful if the centerpiece wasn’t a shitty couch torn and covered in stains, Wade gestures for Peter to take a seat. Hesitantly, Peter sits down on what appears to be the cleanest part as Wade flops down on an impeccable leather recliner. Wade looks at Peter assessingly before saying honestly, “I have no clue how these interviews are supposed to go.”

 

A small smile plays across Peter’s face as he responds, “Well, it would make sense to ask me if I’m CPR and First Aid certified, which I am.”

 

Wade flashes a crooked smile that reminds Peter how attractive he really is. He laughs out, “So you’re already doing better than I could have imagined. Bill said you’re smart. That true?”

 

Peter is going to need to thank Bill, the nice guy who lives the floor below with the twins and hyperactive chihuahua. Not sure how to answer, Peter says, “I guess. I’m in college, so-”

 

“That’s already better than me,” Wade answers with a noncommittal shrug. “Ellie has been having some trouble at school so maybe you could be a double duty tutor and babysitter.”

 

“I think I could do that. What subjects is she struggling with?”

 

“All of them, but mostly just not punching kids. One kid got sent home with a black eye for taking Ellie’s pencil which apparently is ‘an unacceptable coping mechanism’,” Wade quotes with finger quotes, even as he tone remains smug, almost as if he’s proud of his daughter’s attitude problems. Peter isn’t sure exactly what that says about Wade.

 

Not entirely sure how to proceed, Peter says hesitantly, “I’ll try to talk to her about it. How long do you need me for?”

 

“Until about midnight.”

 

Peter looks down at his watch to see the time read 6:48. His asks confused, “Are you really paying me $500?”

 

With a noncommittal shrug, Wade explains, “Ellie’s bedtime is 8:30, so make sure she doesn’t do anything crazy until then. You can do whatever you want after that, but try not to jack off too much. I have surveillance all over.”

 

Shocked by the bluntness, Peter snorts out sarcastically, “I’ll try my best to reign it in.”

 

Leaning back in his recliner, Wade says nonchalantly, “You better because I’m trusting you with my angel faced snookums and I wouldn’t want to skin you alive. You seem nice enough.”

 

A shiver runs up Peter’s spine, but he can’t tell if it’s the spidey senses or not. He sasses at Wade, “I’m sure that’s a ringing endorsement.”

 

Wade leans forward, seemingly goaded by Peter’s attitude. His smile stretches even further across his face, pulling against the scars and creating new patterns. Wade’s voice drops huskily as he says, “Oh it really is, baby boy.”

 

Peter chuckles as he feels himself being pulled even closer to Wade by some sort of gravity. Regardless of his initial shock, Peter can see just how attractive Wade is with his crystal blue eyes and strong jawline that makes his mouth water. Wade shifts further in his chair, closing the distance even further between them as the comfortable silence wraps around them like a blanket. Peter licks his bottom lip and Wade’s eyes drop to follow his tongue’s path.

 

“Wade, you’re going to be late.”

 

Both of the adults’ heads snap to the archway to see Ellie standing there with her arms crossed. Peter blushes as Wade pulls out his phone to look at the time. He shouts out a string of loud curse words (clearly where   
Ellie gets it from) before shooting up to run out of the room. Wade backtracks after a second to place a firm kiss on the top of Ellie’s head who is still looking pissed off before squeezing her shoulders with firm hands to reassure her, “I’ll be back tonight to come tuck you in.”

 

“I know.”

 

With a smile and a last noogie, Wade dashes out of the room. After a moment, Ellie walks forward to grab Peter’s hand, tugging him out of the room as she says, “Let’s go play with dolls before you get yourself any deeper into shit.”

 

The light blush across Peter’s cheeks darkens as Ellie guides him off of the couch and back into the playroom. He looks at the newly arranged dolls and smiles as he asks, “What are we going to be playing tonight?”

 

A wicked smile crosses Ellie’s face.


	2. Chapter 2

After Wade heads out to work with one final kiss on Ellie’s head, the little girl pulls Peter back into the playroom to get him well acquainted with each of her dolls. She quickly weaves a complicated soap opera with specific names and long winded back stories. Peter feels himself being dragged into the depths of her tales and is left in utter awe as the sheer amount of detail washes over him.

  
  


After Peter is completely up to date, Ellie ushers him into the game, generously allowing him to play some of the characters, but only the ones that aren’t too difficult to grasp. Together, they add to the drama - although each storyline has to be Ellie approved before it’s officially canon. The room quickly fills with badly performed accents, intense sound effects, and lots of giggles. 

  
  


They are only pulled out of the game when Ellie’s eyes begin to drift closed. Peter gently shakes her awake to guide her upstairs. With a small smile on his face, he tucks her in with a fond pat before sneaking back downstairs into the playroom. He needs to feel like he’s doing something to earn that $500, and playing with the sweetest girl for two hours doesn’t feel like it. So, Peter decides to clean the playroom, picking up the discarded (mostly killed off with a surprising amount of detail) dolls littering the floor and putting away rejected outfits.

  
  


Once everything is back to how he found it, Peter plops himself onto the recliner in the living room, trying not to look at the mysterious stains on the ragged couch. He pulls out his phone to start reading over his shitty essay for his shitty English class. With this much free time, he might as well get ahead on some of his homework; even if Google Docs mobile sucks ass.

  
  
  


Before Peter knows it, he’s snapping awake to the feeling of a hand hovering above his shoulder. He follows the arm up to see Wade looking down at him with an amused expression. A smirk plays on his face as he says,  “Looks like Ellie isn’t the only Sleeping Beauty.”

  
  


“How was work,” Peter says as he sits up slowly as he tries to shake off his grogginess.

  
  


“A little messy. How was Ellie?”

  
  


“I think she had a had a really good time. I tucked her in not too long ago,” Peter looks down at his phone and cringes when he sees 11:58 blinking back at him, then laughs out, “So maybe a little longer than ‘not too long ago’. I guess I nodded off.”

  
  


“As long as my snookums is okay and you didn’t jack off all over our stuff, it’s fine if you catch some shut eye,” Wade pauses before squinting at Peter like he’s a bug under a microscope. He questions, only mildly jokingly, “You didn’t jack off on our stuff, did you?”

  
  


“Didn’t you say that you had surveillance everywhere?”

  
  


“You can’t answer a question with a question, baby boy.”

  
  


Peter chuckles, rolling his eyes as he responds snarkily, “No, I did not jack off all over your stuff.”

  
  


“Good,” Wade appears to be honestly pleased with this answer. He stands up straight and pulls a large wad of cash out of his pocket, placing it on the coffee table. He smiles as he says, “I can honestly not thank you enough for watching my angel faced snookums.”

  
  


“I think $500 is more than enough thanks,” Peter says with honest gratitude, “You could honestly have me dressed up in a maid costume for less.”

  
  


“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” 

  
  


Peter’s eyes snap up to see a shark like grin spreading across Wade’s face. A shiver runs up Peter’s spine, but he’s not sure if its good or bad. Before he can respond to the obvious come-on though, Wade has already slipped upstairs to kiss his daughter good night like he promised. 

  
  


It doesn’t feel right to just slip out of the house without a word, so Peter counts his money; but he pauses when he counts one too many hundreds. He looks over them once, then twice, and checks to make sure that they are in fact all hundreds before counting for a third time. When Wade appears downstairs again with a wide grin on his face, Peter holds out the extra hundred to say, “I think you counted wrong.”

  
  


Wade responds with his forehead confusedly furrowed, “I don’t think I did, baby boy. $500 for the babysitting, and $100 for transportation here and back. It can’t be easy for a college kid to get this far out of the city.”

  
  


Now it’s Peter’s turn to furrow his eyebrows in confusion as he asserts, “You shouldn’t have to worry; the $500 more than covers all of that. If anything, 500 is _ too _ much.”

  
  


“You should never have to worry about anything when you’re taking care of my angel faced snookums, so just shut up and take the money.” 

  
  


Before Peter can argue again, Wade starts to push him out the door. He instructs Peter with a caring tone in his voice,“Go home and sleep. I’m sure you have classes tomorrow; you don’t want to be overtired. Would it be okay if I called you again sometime?”

 

Peter’s voice catches in his throat at the genuine concern and kindness in Wade’s voice. A small blush spreads across his face as he jokingly retorts, “That depends. Would you only be calling for babysitting?”

 

“Would it make you feel better if I said yes,” Wade questions back with a small smirk.

  
  


“I’m not entirely sure.”

  
  


Just as he shuts the door, Wade says, “I would love it if you came back again.”

  
  


And Peter does.

  
  
  
  
  
  


The next time Wade asks Peter to come over he is almost relieved, despite the late hour. He bounces on his toes as he waits for Wade to open the door, his thumbs stuck in the straps of his backpack as he anxiously drums his fingers. When the door swings open Wade flashes him a large grin and leans against the door frame to say, “Thanks for coming so quick, baby boy.”

  
  


“Thanks for calling me. I love watching Ellie,” Peter replies as a warm feeling spreads in his chest. 

  
  


Wade chuckles as he pulls his duffle bag onto his shoulder, clearly in a rush, but explains, “There’s not much watching you’ll have to do. She’s already all tucked in, so all you have to do is hold down the fort ‘til I get back.”

  
  


Peter throws him a salute as Wade ducks out of the room with a small smile playing across his lips. Once he hears the front door close, Peter quickly opens his backpack to pull out his laptop. He hadn’t been able to pay his wifi bill the week before, making it impossible to get any work done in his apartment. To make matters worse, he has a media project  _ and _ an analysis due next week. He’s been at the library everyday until closing time for the past week, but he can only get so much done. Wade’s call had come at the perfect time.

  
  


The first time Peter looks up all night, Wade is leaning back in the recliner playing on his Hello Kitty phone. Peter’s eyes snap down to his computer laptop to see hours have passed; he really must have slipped into a studying haze. He tries to rub the sleep out of his eyes as Wade looks up from his phone, saying, “What were you so focused on? Find some good porn?”

  
  


Peter chuckles as he pulls out his headphones to reply, “No, I just had some big projects that I needed to work on.”

  
  


Wade’s forehead furrows as he takes on a mocking, deep dad voice, “Have you been procrastinating? Bad Peter. I didn’t think a smartypants like you would be the type to put stuff to the last minute.”

  
  


Nervously running a hand across the nape of his neck, Peter responds, “I don’t have wifi in my apartment right now, so it’s kind of hard to work on any of my projects.”

  
  


“Why don’t you call the company? If your wifi is out, they should know.”

  
  


“Well, I’m pretty sure they do know,” Peter sighs. Wade looks at him totally baffled before Peter continues, “They cut me off because I couldn’t pay for it.”

  
  


Without another word, Wade pulls out his wallet and starts counting the money in his head. Peter’s mouth tastes sour, but before Peter can squirm for too long, Wade places the money on the table and slides it over to Peter, asking, “Is $60 enough?”

  
  


Peter’s mouth flaps open as he scrambles to form a response, “You really don’t need to do this! You paid me more than enough last time and I’ll be totally fine for next month.”

  
  


Wade’s eyes widen as he questions vehemently, “What do you mean next  _ month _ ? How could you possibly go without a nice helping of digital man cock for that long?”

  
  


Not one to pass up on such low hanging fruit, Peter retorts, “I have gone much longer without a nice helping of man cock, and I can do it again.”

  
  


“That’s what she said,” Wade high-fives himself before he turns serious again, “Just take the damn money and get your porn.”

  
  


“Wade, I’m not taking your money.”

  
  


“Peter, I swear to Mexican Jesus you are taking this damn money.”

  
  


“No.”

  
  


“Yes.”

  
  


“No.”

  
  


“Yes.”

  
  


“Yes.”

  
  


“No-wait, what?”

  
  


A large grin spreads across Wade’s face as he triumphantly throws his hands in the air, yelling, “Fuck yeah! Thank you for agreeing to take the money, baby boy. Even if you don’t need it, go find yourself your own Pretty Woman.”

  
  


“Sorry, Julia Roberts isn’t really my type. I’m more of a Channing Tatum kind of guy.”

  
  


Wade’s eyes grow to the size of saucers as he looks Peter up and down before letting out a low whistle, “That’s my kind of baby boy. Next thing you’re telling me is that you prefer Ryan Reynolds over them all.”

  
  


Trying to hide the blush breaking his confident facade, Peter says, “The Proposal  _ did _ really get me going, but there’s nothing as hot as The Hitman’s Bodyguard.”

  
  


“Is that because of Ryan Reynolds smoking looks or the sweet sultry sound of Samuel L. Jackson saying ‘motherfucker’?”

  
  


Peter can’t hold back the smile as he says, “No, it’s definitely the look of Ryan Reynolds in a crisp suit.”

  
  


Wade pretends to swoon as he gasps out, “Oh, baby boy, could you be any more perfect? All I need you to say is ‘call me a good boy’, and I’ll be ready to propose.”

  
  


“Wouldn’t you like that?” Peter walks brusquely to the door before huskily finish over his shoulder, “Daddy?”

  
  


Peter closes the door to a whispered, “Sweet baby fucking jesus on a stick.”

  
  
  


When Peter checks his bag later, he pulls out a wad of cash from the side pocket ($60 to be exact) and although he wants to be annoyed, a small smiles pull against his lips.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Although Peter enjoys spending time at the Wilson residence, where he’s quickly become a regular, it has severely cut into his ability to be Spiderman. This babysitting gig started so he  _ could _ be Spiderman and not starving on the streets, but all of the late night calls from Wade have added up to a lot of destruction in New York. All this is mostly at the hands of one villain - or mercenary from what people are saying - who has become an absolute menace. Apparently the merc used take hits around the world, but now he seems to have taken up permanent residence in New York. There hasn’t been too much large scale destruction, but the fact that there’s been no intervention from  Spidey hasn’t gone unnoticed. There are many news outlets that have begun speculating about possible involvement, especially because the stupid bastard  _ stole his look _ .

  
  


But tonight is the first night that Peter ever meets him. 

  
  


Peter is casually swinging through New York, listening out for any alarming sounds when his Spidey senses go off. He barely has time to shoot off another web before a dagger slices through his old one. Peter’s eyes snap to the ground when he hears a loud groan and a distant, muffled shout, “That’s not fair!” 

  
  


Peter immediately shifts his route when he sees a red man standing at the entrance of an alley hollering at him. He dodges another projectile, this time what looks like a brick, before he lands on the ground in an athletic position. The man stares at him assessingly before snarking, “Aw, I was kind of expecting a superhero landing. What a shame. I would have loved to see how that booty popped. God the pictures just don’t do you-”

  
  


“What are you doing in my city?”

  
  


“Getting money, blowing some shit up, murdering people who probably deserve it,” the man shrugs nonchalantly, “The usual.”

  
  


Peter cocks his head to the side, huffing, “Are you aware that you just admitted to murder?”

  
  


“Are you aware that you’re not a cop and that you technically assault people all the time, so basically we’re on the same level?”

  
  


Peter scoffs and points an accusing finger to defend himself, “It’s called a citizen’s arrest, which is legal in New York, and I don’t  _ kill  _ people.”

  
  


The mercenary frames his face with the back of his hands like a schoolgirl trying to be ‘kawaii’ before mocking, “Oh! Our first fight as a couple.”

  
  


“First of all, murderers aren’t really my type. Second of all, I like people who have a little more originality in their outfits. Not a big fan of copycats.”

  
  


That must have really set off the merc as he reaches behind himself to unsheathe his katanas, powering towards Peter with sure steps with response that’s more of a monologue, “I swore that I would kill the next person who said that and I’m not one to go back on my promises - unless I’m bought out with  _ really _ good tacos - like _ Samantha’s _ level good. I probably had this suit before you were even born, Spiderling.”

  
  


Peter somersaults out of the way as a katana goes whizzing by. Before he can even stand up again, he’s facing the man charging at him full force with the other katana drawn. Peter has to stumble backwards as the man makes a large swipe for his chest, just barely skimming the surface of his suit. Anticipating another, Peter grabs the man’s wrist, twisting hard and kicking his feet out from under him to send him flying across the alley. 

  
  


Just as the man gets his feet underneath him, Peter shoots a web at his shoulder. Instead of it hitting its mark though, the mercenary grabs the web with both hands and gives it a hard yank, pulling Peter towards him. Once Spiderman gets into range, the man gives him a swift roundhouse to the face, sending Peter sailing through the air across the alley. The mercenary doesn’t have long to rejoice though as the web suddenly pulls him along as well, screaming, “What the flying hell?”

  
  


They both slam into a dumpster with a groan. Peter quickly stands up as the mercenary struggles to his feet, but the latter has his hands stuck together. He frantically tries to pull his hands apart, yelling, “Fuck! It’s like a chinese finger trap made of jizz.”

  
  


Before Peter can get a response in, the man flips through the air, hands still restrained, aiming to kick Peter square in the face. Peter drops to his knee just in time though, and shoots a web as the man starts to land, sticking him to the brick wall by only his hands. Peter quickly follows that with a volley of webs that stick the man’s feet, elbows, and hips to the wall as well, avoiding any possibility of escape.

  
  


Peter remains kneeling on the ground in front of the man, hands fully extended, ready to shoot more webs if needed. The man stops struggling when he realizes that he’s been beat and instead bites out, “If I knew you were into kinky shit, maybe this would have come out differently.”

  
  


Realizing what his position must have looked like, more importantly what his mouth was level with, Peter quickly stands up to retort, “I generally like to know my partner’s name first.”

  
  


“And I generally only give my name after a good spanking on an ass that fine, so I guess we’re both stuck. Haha, pun.”

  
  


“Fake names will work too,” Peter says, standing up straight and putting a hand on his chest, “I’m Spiderman.”

  
  


“No shit, Benedict Cumberbatch. I think it was the webs that clued me in, or the giant ass spider on your chest.”

  
  


“Hey, at least I’m trying to be polite before I turn you into the police.”

  
  


Peter hears the distinct sound of someone preparing to hock a loogie before the stranger groans loudly and lets out a litany of curses. Peter smiles as he steps forward hesitantly, asking, “Did you just try to spit at me with your mask on?”

  
  


The lack of response is answer enough. Peter can’t help but let out the belly of a laugh bubbling in his throat. He laughs so hard he has to bend over and grab his knees. He squeezes his eyes as tight as he can when he feels tears form in the corner. When he looks up, miming wiping away the tears, he sees the mercenary standing in front of him completely freed, although one of his wrists appears to be broken. 

  
  


Before Peter can respond, the merc kicks him straight in the solar plexus and he lands in a mound of garbage, knocking the wind out of him. He’s still gasping for breath when the other man leans over him, “Next time your gasping out in bed, I better hear the name Deadpool fall from those totally fuckable lips of yours. Don’t get used to this love making though, because I won’t go so easy on you next time.”

  
  


Peter is only just barely able to gasp out, “How the hell do you know what my lips look like?”

  
  


Deadpool easily skips out of the alley, throwing over his shoulder, “All twinks like you have fuckable lips. It’s called a stereotype.”

  
  
  
  
  


As the weeks pass by, Peter becomes even more of a staple in Ellie and Wade’s life. It’s been nearly five weeks since he first took the call. He now has his own key and essentials in the guest room. Today is the first time Ellie has acted up since Wade mentioned it in his interview though. She has been nothing but kind, if a bit sassy as they’ve played with her dolls, or baked, or watched movies together. Today though, she is acting like a completely different child. 

  
  


“Ellie can you please sit down. Wade asked you to read for 20 minutes before we can play any games.”

  
  


Not even listening to Peter’s words, Ellie continues to stand on the dining room table she is  _ supposed  _ to be sitting at to read. This is the fourth time Peter has asked her to sit down and he is nearing his wits end. She snipes back, defiantly still standing, “Why the hell would I want to read a dumbass book about a rat?”

  
  


“Language please,” Peter responds sharply. She scoffs at him and crosses her arms, widening her legs into a defensive stance. He massages between his eyebrows for a moment before asking, “If you don’t want to read Geronimo Stiltskin, what book would you like to read?”

  
  


“None of them, all of these books are stupid, just like this dumb ass rat.” 

  
  


Before Peter can get another word in, Ellie throws the book at his head so fast that he is only saved by his spidey senses, dodging to the side before he hears the pages fluttering by. He takes a deep breath as real anger starts to bubble in his chest, but at the same time an idea starts to form in his head. He tries to maintain a calm, but not patronizing tone, as he says, “If you think your books are boring, do you want to try reading one of mine?”

  
  


Curiosity crosses Ellie’s face for a second before the angry expression falls back into place to retort, “They’ll probably be just as stupid.”

  
  


“What have I said about trying new things?”

  
  


“You try it, and then you like it,” Ellie rolls her eyes before smuggly saying, “But you just stole that from Yo Gabba Gabba.”

  
  


“Have I been wrong yet?”

  
  


Ellie looks up at him hesitantly before quietly shaking her head. Peter smiles at her as he waves her over, pulling out her tablet from where he hid it. He quickly types in ‘Percy Jackson: The Lightning Thief’ and pulls up a PDF as she settles in beside him on the couch. He holds out the tablet and she slowly accepts it, not breaking eye contact until he says, “Go on. I think you’ll like this one.”

  
  


Rolling her eyes, Ellie starts scanning through, clearly ready to dismiss it, but Peter can see the moment she gets hooked. He slowly gets up from his position so as not to disturb her, but she doesn’t even seem to notice. She’s already been pulled into the book like an undercurrent, even physically showing it as she drops her head down as if to get as close to the book as possible, like it could drag her into its world. A few times she rearranges her position, what with the tablet being a little too big for her hands, but she doesn’t let that stop her for even a moment.

  
  


Peter quietly slips into the kitchen. He starts slicing carrots, putting them along with ranch into a small bowl, placing them onto the coffee table beside Ellie. A small hand drifts towards the bowl like gravity, but without looking away from the tablet for even a second. Peter smiles as he pulls out his own computer to get some lab work done, for as long as the silence lasts. 

  
  
  


Which is apparently a long time, as 3:00 rolls around (7 hours after Peter was called to be here) and Ellie looks up for only the first time. She blinks profusely like she just pulled her head out from under a pool and is still trying to get the chlorine out of her eyes. She looks down at the tablet again, then back at Peter, then back at the tablet. She then lets out a long suffering moan. Peter tries to reign in his laughter because he knows that feeling all too well.

  
  


Ellie rounds on him, furious, as she questions, “Where is the next book?”

  
  


“I think you’ve been reading long enough. I’ll bring in the whole series next time, okay?”

  
  


Ellie steam rolls over Peter, not taking in anything he just said, and demands, “No, I want to read the next book.”

  
  


Not even dignifying her indignation with a response, Peter says in an even tone, “Why don’t we play a game?”

  
  


“I don’t want to play a stupidass ga-”

  
  


“What do I always say?”

  
  


Crossing her arms with a huff, Ellie shouts, “Shut  _ up _ with your stupid slogans. Fine. I’ll play your  _ stupid _ game.”

  
  


Peter laughs as he opens another window on his computer; he’s nearly done his lab report anyway and he already knows that Ellie will love this. He pulls up a game he heard about at a tech con, but he wasn’t sure if Ellie was old enough to handle it. She definitely proved him wrong so far today, so why not give it try. 

  
  


A wide smiles spreads across Peter’s face as the flash player shows the introductory graphics:  _ In a galaxy far, far away an alien planet is being attacked by enemy forces. They need _ you  _ to help save them _ . 

  
  


As the graphics flick by showing the alien people getting attacked, Peter falls in love with the graphics all over again. He can see it on her face that Ellie is just as enamored. Once the actual gameplay starts, she easily figures out the basic Algebra as she fills in the empty spots with numbers that fly around the screen. Peter is confident that she can get through these by herself, so he begins making dinner. 

  
  


Ellie easily flies through the first five levels, happily watching the story build as she unknowingly increases her math skills. Once they slip into a mix of multiplication, addition, subtraction, and division in one problem though, she looks at Peter imploringly. He happily wipes of his hands and gives his little space warrior hints to destroy the evil overlord. Ellie nods along with wide eyes and quickly adjusts to the new expectations. Peter chuckles over his pot of pasta as Ellie’s cheering grows louder with each level.

  
  


That is how Wade finds them, curled up around the computer high fiving and whooping so loud they didn’t even hear the front door open. Peter is still laughing when he makes eye contact with a physically drained Wade, who looks at the computer amused as he asks, “And what exactly do you have there?”

  
  


Ellie ignores her father until she completes the last question of the level, when she immediately flings herself into his arms. Without any hesitation, she pulls him over to the laptop and scrambles into his lap. Peter smiles as he gets up to makes put the final touches on dinner, where he can hear Ellie excitedly explaining, “So, Peter showed me this new game where we have to use numbers to defeat this alien guy who is trying to take over the galaxy. Each level is one of his goons, but we’re just about to get to the final boss to free all of the people.”

  
  


Wade laughs as he listens to his daughter practically vibrate with adrenaline. He kisses her on the top of her head, peering down at the colorful creatures fighting through the cosmos, and asks, “Did you do anything else today besides play video games, my angel faced snookums?”

  
  


Peter calls over from where he is finishing draining the pasta, “Ellie, can you tell your dad about your new favorite book?”

  
  


The only response is a loud yip and Wade’s laughter. As Peter walks out of the kitchen satisfied with dinner, Ellie has completely flipped her position, now staring intensely into her father’s eyes. He stares back with mock awe as she practically screams into his face, “Peter gave me the best book ever! It’s about this boy who is the son of one of the Greek gods and he has to fight monsters and then one of his friends betrays him and then-”

  
  


Wade smacks his hands over his ears, “Hey! What have I told you about spoilers?”

  
  


Wade then starts chanting, ‘la, la, la, I can’t hear you’ as loudly as possible while Ellie uses all of her strength to try to pull Wade’s hands from his ears. They are both laughing by the end of it when Wade scoops up the squealing Ellie and drags her into the kitchen, passing an amused Peter. Wade nuzzles Ellie’s hair as he affectionality declares, “Let’s see what my seductive baby boy has cooked up for us.”

  
  
  
  
  


Peter is swinging through New York, relishing one of his few patrol nights (his past couple months have been consumed by a sarcastic little girl and her equally sarcastic father), when he sees a familiar red mercenary duck into a building. They’ve only had a couple interactions since their first one, and each time Peter leaves more frustrated than before. He mumbles angrily before shooting out another web to reroute.

  
  


Swiftly landing on his feet, Peter takes a good look at the building before quietly following Deadpool in. The second he enters, Peter sticks himself to the ceiling to close the distance between them without being seen. Peter follows Deadpool all the way to the basement and watches him pull large objects out of a duffle bag: a few Hello Kitty plushies, gasoline, matches, and several giant pipe bombs.

  
  


Without making a single sound, Peter drops down from the ceiling and shoots a web to tie Deadpool’s hands together. Before it makes contact though, Deadpool ducks down to rummage through his bag some more, but he doesn’t react when the slick sound of web hitting cement rings through the room. Without thinking, Peter immediately sticks himself to the ceiling again as his Spidey Senses go off, just with enough time to dodge three clean rounds shot right where he used to be standing. 

  
  


Deadpool doesn’t even turn around to say, “What the fuck Spidey? I’m just trying to do a little neighborhood clean up. You know, making the world safer for the kiddies.”

  
  


Peter drops down from the ceiling to retort, “By setting off a bomb?”

  
  


“No.”

  
  


“Then what would you call that in your hand?”

  
  


“Five bombs.”

  
  


Peter shoots off another volley of webs but Deadpool is faster as he whips around, cutting through each of them with his katana. Peter just barely dodges as one of the katanas goes whizzing by him, making a solid sound as it impales the cement wall. Peter looks back at Deadpool who angrily shouts, “If you hurt Arthur, I’m fucking coming for you, no matter how spankable that ass is.”

  
  


Shooting an arched web, Peter propels himself across the room to kick Deadpool in the face; but Deadpool catches his leg and uses his momentum to throw him across the room. While sailing through the air, Peter shoots out a volley of webs. Deadpool cuts through the first two, but the last one catches around his legs, sticking them together. Peter lets out a long groan as he makes contact with the cement wall behind him.

  
  


Once Peter catches his breath again, he looks up to see Deadpool completely in a ball with his hands stuck to his feet, most likely from trying to rip off the webbing. Just to be safe though, Peter completely cocoons him in, while Deadpool groans out the whole time, “Why can’t you just let me do my job?”

  
  


Peter takes a step back and crosses his arms, looking down at Deadpool before asking rhetorically, “In what world would I let you blow up a homeless shelter?”

  
  


Deadpool does a double-take, questioning unbelievingly, “Blow up a what now?”

  
  


Peter’s mouth sets in a firm line, quipping back, “Like you didn’t know that with the giant sign on the front of the building.”

  
  


With a renewed vigor, Deadpool struggles against his restraints to no avail, as he demands, “Let me out of here so I can kill those motherfucking sons of bitches. I swear to Domino’s fictitious Lady Luck that I will cut off that guy’s fucking dick and feed it to him while-”

  
  


Crouching down hesitantly, Peter looks Deadpool in the eyes, genuinely asking, “You really didn’t know?”

  
  


“What the hell would I get out of blowing up a homeless shelter?”

  
  


Not willing to take anything Deadpool says at face value, Peter snarks back, “What do you get out of anything you do?”

  
  


“Money and a home for my loved one,” Deadpool voice goes kind of soft as he says it. Peter is honestly taken aback by the raw emotion until Deadpool turns towards him angrily again, shouting, “Just because I’m a mercenary, doesn’t mean I don’t have rules.”

  
  


Before Peter can formulate any response, he hears a siren approaching in the distance. He looks back down at Deadpool for a second, who is struggling against the webs again. Peter leans down to whisper, “Please research your marks before you do anything again, and-” Peter’s voice catches in his throat, but says it before he can stop himself, “Get whatever bastard wanted to blow up a homeless shelter.”

  
  


Without another word, Peter darts out of the room just as he hears the screech of tires just above them. Before he’s too far away though, Deadpool calls out, “If I do your righteous bidding, can I get a dick pic?”

  
  
  
  
  


A few weeks later, Peter opens the door to the Wilson’s house, but pauses when he smells smoke and his eyes start to water. Without hesitation, he sprints to the kitchen to find Wade standing at the stove with an unsure expression and Ellie sitting on the counter looking down right concerned. As Peter gets closer, wiping at his eyes, he notices that both of them have tears streaming down their faces. Peter throws his bag down on the couch and frantically asks, “Where is your fire alarm?”

  
  


Ellie crosses her arms, clearly annoyed as she says, “Wade said he needed to take out the batteries.”

  
  


Rounding on Wade, Peter looks at him with a heated mixture of shock and horror. “Is that correct?”

  
  


For a man of such considerable size, Wade easily shrinks into a small shell as he whispers weakly, “It kept going off.”

  
  


“Of  _ course _ it kept going off! I can smell the smoke from the door! What the heck are you even cooking?”

  
  


“I wanted to try a new stir fry recipe.”

  
  


“What, with jalapeños instead of oil?”

  
  


Wade looks up at Peter with wide eyes to ask, “Is that not what you’re supposed to do?”

  
  


Peter immediately grabs the spatula out of Wade’s hand, kicking him and Ellie out of the kitchen. Peter frustradely shouts, “You’re lucking you didn’t mace the whole neighborhood. For someone who can make the best pancakes, you are a horrible chef.”

  
  


Ellie and Wade watch from the counter as Peter washes the pan and shouts to his phone, “Hey Siri, play my dance playlist on Spotify.”

  
  


“Playing ‘Dance playlist’ on Spotify.”

  
  


The sultry voice of Jason Derulo starts singing through the speakers until Peter leans back from the sink to order Siri to turn it up.

  
  


Peter’s hips start to slowly sway with the beat as  _ Trumpets _ bleeds through the room. Under his breath he whispers the lyrics, looking over his shoulder at Wade. Instead of any recognition, Peter is met with a blank, heavy stare focused only on his ass. He can’t help but laugh as Ellie leans over to swat her dad upside the head.

  
  


Once the pan is successfully cleaned from the scorched mess, Peter moves over to the stove, pausing before he turns it on to ask Wade, “Is whatever meat you picked marinating?”

  
  


It takes a few moments of expectant stares before Wade looks up, blinking himself out of a haze. Peter repeats the question before Wade nods frantically, answering, “Yeah, yeah. The chicken’s been in the fridge for about fifteen minutes now.”

  
  


“Can you go put the batteries back in the smoke alarm then?”

  
  


A childish expression fills Wade’s face as he lets out a long whine, “Do I  _ have  _ to? I just have such a nice dinner and a show right here.”

  
  


Peter rolls his eyes as he tries to hold back the smile that threatens to spread across his face. He turns to Ellie instead, “Can  _ you _ please put the batteries back into the fire alarm?”

  
  


Ellie sweeps up the batteries and runs to go grab a ladder without any protest. With that solved, Peter turns back to Wade to order, “This means you’re on sous chef duties.”

  
  


“Do I get to watch that sweet ass sway to the rhythmic sound of Jason’s voice?”

  
  


“Depends on your angle.”

  
  


“Oh my angle is to get into those tight, tight jeans that do your ass justice that only my hands could outdo.”

  
  


A scarlet brush spreads across Peter’s face as he turns back to wiping down the pan. He decides that if Wade really wants a show, he’ll get one. He measures out a tablespoon of sesame oil, forgoing the jalapeño mace, and lets it come to heat. In the meantime, he sways his hips to the bridge of _ Trumpets _ . He runs a single hand through his hair while the other remains on his hips. He chances a glance at Wade who is unabashedly staring at him, soaking in the view with a hungry look. Before he can get a word out, Peter turns to him to ask sweetly, “Hey, Wade honey?”

  
  


Peter’s eyes track Wade’s sluggish swallow before he responds, “Yeah, baby boy?”

  
  


“Can you pretty please,” Peter watches Wade’s adam’s apple bob again. “Grab me a spatula, preferably not a plastic one.”

  
  


It takes a few moments for Wade to close his mouth and physically shake himself out of his trance. He leans over Peter, so close that their chests touch, to grab a spatula from the utensil cup clearly placed on the counter. With a large smile, Peter accepts the offer, placing his hand directly on top of Wade’s. He leans in close to whisper into Wade’s ear in as husky a voice as he can muster, “Thank you, Daddy.”

  
  


Peter can feel the wood of the spatula creek under Wade’s iron grip, but before he can say anything, Ellie darts into the room, proudly declaring, “All done, Peter.”

  
  


Gently pushing Wade back with a single finger on his sternum, Peter peaks around him to respond to Ellie, “Thank you so much for being a big help. You’re already doing better than your dad over here.”

  
  


That elicits a sound of irritation from the man, as Wade defends himself, “Hey! I got you that spatula.”

  
  


Ellie rolls her eyes from her position on the counter. She can’t help but snark her dad, “Wade, they’re right there in the utensil cup. Peter could have gotten it all by himself. Don’t be an asshole just because I’m better.”

  
  


With an impressive speed, Wade sprints over to grab Ellie off of the counter, swinging her around, declaring, “I already knew that, my angel faced snookums.”

  
  


The room fills with laughter as Peter starts mixing all of the vegetables into the oil. Before he’s finishes though, Wade places Ellie back onto the ground as he asks, “Why don’t you go play with your dolls? I think Vanessa is getting lonely.”

  
  


Ellie runs off to her play room, but not before stage whispering into Wade’s ear, “I don’t need another mom, so just don’t screw this up.”

  
  


A shiver runs down Peter’s spine. Not for a single moment did he stop to think about how Ellie would take this. Did that make him a really shitty babysitter because he was too busy thinking about screwing her father to worry about her feelings? He didn’t want to force another mom on her, but is that how she sees the situation? When he finally hears the sound of her retreating to her playroom, Peter can’t make eye contact with Wade. He concentrates on whipping together the ingredients as fast as possible without looking up. 

 

After a few seconds Wade retires to the living room to work on his computer, his mind full of similar heavy thoughts, but for completely different reasons. Wade knows that Ellie was hinting at her mother’s hasty departure, and how Wade can’t let that happen to her again. Peter is a better person, he’s sure, but can he put up with Wade long enough to be a staple in Ellie’s life? Can this relationship ever really work? Wade’s eyes drop down to his laptop as he furiously types words that don’t even string into complete sentences.

  
  


Once everything is ready, and the rice cooker beeps its completion, Peter hollers from the kitchen, “Dinner’s done!”

  
  


This is followed immediately by the sound of toy chest and laptop slamming simultaneously, accompanied by heavy footsteps. Peter looks up, amused to see identical expressions of excitement and hunger on Ellie and Wade’s faces. They very rarely look alike, what with their different complexions and Wade’s face full of scars, but in this moment Peter can definitely see where Ellie gets her looks from.

  
  


And it breaks Peter’s heart that much more. 

  
  


With a small smile, Peter steps out of the way so they can get to the food. He quietly goes into the living room and plugs in his headphones until Wade leaves for work. This way it will be easier for all of them. 

  
  
  
  


A week later, Peter lets out a heavy sigh as he looks down at his laptop in the middle of the Wilsons’ living room. He hasn’t exchanged any real words with Wade since he heard what Ellie thought of the situation. Every time he tries to bring it up like a normal adult, the words stick in his mouth and he’s left staring at the floor. He looks down at the clock to see that Wade will be returning in thirty minutes so he starts to pack up, leaving as little time to talk as possible.

  
  


Before he even shuts his laptop, Peter hears a gruff voice ask, “Are you avoiding me?”

  
  


Peter’s eyes snap up to see Wade standing in the archway, blocking his only exit with his arms crossed. He looks like a gorgeous force of nature like this, but the feelings get trapped in Peter’s throat as he tries to swallow them down. Peter isn’t sure how to broach the subject, so he mumbles, “Um, yeah.”

  
  


All of the confidence leaves Wade in almost an audible rush, leaving him looking deflated. Peter’s heart hurts at the sight, but he’s not sure how to fix it without digging a deeper hole. Wade doesn’t make eye contact as he asks, “Can you at least tell me what went wrong? Everything was- I  _ thought _ everything was-”

  
  


“Everything was good.” 

  
  


Wade looks up to meet Peter’s eyes after his breathy admission. He leans forward imploringly and his voice sounds just as weak as the first time Peter heard it, “Then what did I do wrong?”

  
  


“You didn’t do anything wrong. I just wasn’t thinking about how Ellie would feel.”

  
  


“What do you mean how Ellie would feel? Ellie loves you. Every time I come home all I can hear about is how much fun she has with you and how she can’t wait for you to come back. You’re her favorite babysitter ever.”

  
  


“And how many children want their babysitters to become their parent? Because, clearly your daughter doesn’t.”

  
  


Wade’s forehead scrunches in confusion, and his mouth opens to interject, but a half awake voice asks, “Wade, is that you?”

  
  


Wade’s head whips around to see Ellie standing in the archway squinting at him, still rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Forcing a smile, Wade stands up and takes her hand, apologizing, “Sorry I didn’t come to tuck you in, my angel face snookums. Peter and I were just talking. I’ll come kiss you goodnight.”

  
  


“Can Peter come to?”

  
  


Wade glances back at Peter. Dread builds in Peter’s stomach as he stands up to answer, “Of course I can, Ellie.”

  
  


Peter takes Ellie’s other hand, refusing to look at Wade. They awkwardly make it up the stairs with Wade leading the way and Peter dragging behind. Once they make it into the room, Wade and Peter both say their good nights and duck out once Ellie starts drifting off to sleep. 

  
  


With the door still slowly being shut, Peter turns to Wade, looking as small as he feels. Once he can gain enough confidence, Peter quietly says, “I think it’s for the best if we just don’t talk about this again. For Ellie’s sake.”

  
  


Wade looks at him and tries to put his hand on Peter’s shoulder, but he flinches away. Wade’s hand limply drops to his side and he looks back at Ellie’s door as he whispers, “Okay.”


	3. Chapter 3

Peter can’t breathe as he looks at the television.

  
  


All of center city is either up in flames or already completely levelled by an alien attack, and Peter is trapped an hour away, watching Ellie, who is far too engrossed in  _ The Mark of Athena _ to even notice the news. Peter could be putting an end to the destruction, or at least saving some lives, if it wasn’t for this job, which he only took so he  _ could _ save lives. He knows he can’t leave Ellie alone, and he can’t just hand her over to somebody else; so he’s stuck here, watching his city go up in flames that he could have prevented.

  
  


To make matters worse, Peter knows that Wade is out there somewhere. Before he left for work, he told Peter that he would be hard to reach because he had to deal with important business in the city. Peter has already called to check  on Aunt May and a few of his classmates, but Wade hasn’t picked up once. So Peter is forced to sit here helplessly, staring up at the screen, as Wade is probably lying somewhere injured or dying. 

 

Or already dead.

 

Peter can’t take it anymore. He turns off the television and starts to busy himself around the house, tidying and making small snacks for himself and Ellie-anything to take his mind off of the devastation only an hour away. Wade will come home, he thinks. He has to.

  
  
  


Nearly nine hours later, the door slams open with a thud. It’s completely dark out and Ellie has already gone to bed. Peter has been sitting on the couch blindly flipping through books, but not able to read a single word through the anxiety. He jumps at the sound of the door and the heavy, sluggish footsteps in the hallway. As Wade enters the room, Peter can’t suppress his joy. He looks a little battered, but at least he’s here. Wade is _ here _ .

  
  


Peter gets up and throws his arms around Wade silently, unable to stop himself. The tears that he has been holding back all day begin to prick at his eyes. Wade immediately freezes in surprise. Peter refuses to let go of him, nuzzling further into his neck, trying not to completely burst into tears. He only barely manages to not let his voice crack as he whispers, “I was so worried.”

  
  


For a moment, Peter is given exactly what he wants as Wade leans into him, swaddling Peter in his strong arms; but before he can truly bask in the comfort, Wade is pushing him away and backing up, putting as much distance between them as possible. He folds his arms and he looks away. He doesn’t make eye contact as he retorts, “I don’t really see why.”

  
  


Peter surges forward angrily, but Wade takes a step backwards with his eyes wide, letting out a small groan in pain. Peter’s irritation leaks into his voice as he grits through his teeth, “What is that supposed to mean? You were in the  _ middle  _ of the city and you weren’t picking up your phone. What was I  _ supposed  _ to do besides sit here and worry?”

  
  


“You’re acting like you actually care.”

  
  


“No, you’re acting like a dick.”

  
  


Wade blinks at him in surprise before he spits out, “ _ I’m _ a dick? Really? Who was it that suggested that we don’t talk about this? That’s what I’m doing, not talking about it, but you seem to enjoy pissing all over the line that  _ you  _ drew.”

  
  


“Well, I undraw it because I  _ do _ have feelings for you, Wade, so many feelings. When I thought you had- That something could have happened to you, I was so scared. I thought I’d lost you. I realized that I might just-”

  
  


Cutting him off with a jab of his finger towards the door, Wade’s voice calm as he says, “Get out.”

 

“Wade, can you just li-”

  
  


“Can you just leave?”

  
  


“Wade, I’m  _ trying _ to say that I’m sorry.”

  
  


“This just can’t happen,” Wade is breathing hard, but all of the fervor dissipates quickly as he whispers, “Can you just get out so I can think? I had a long day and I don’t want to deal with all of this again.”

  
  


Peter starts to walk towards the door with his shoulders sunk, but then he turns around with a resolute mind. “No, we put off talking for too long, which was admittedly my fault, but we need to have this conversation. I want to have an adult relationship with you, Wade Wilson, and I know you want the same.”

  
  


“You’re right,” Wade replied. Peter takes a step forward excitedly but Wade puts a hand out to stop him as he continues, “but right now, I don’t think this can happen. You were right before, this isn’t a good idea. Apart from the fact that I’m a complete fuck up, you’re my daughter’s babysitter.”

  
  


Searching for anything to stop his heart from shattering into pieces, Peter whispers, “Wade?”

  
  


“I really think you should leave Peter.”

  
  


“I understand,” Peter says quietly, not sure if he can believe it. He stuffs the rest of his things into his bag, trying to hold back the tears stinging against his eyes. He makes it as far as the foyer, Wade following behind him, before he gains enough courage to say, “I can’t come back to this everyday though. I- I quit. Tell Ellie I’ll miss her.”

  
  


The look on Wade’s face starts the tears streaming down Peter’s face for real.  “That’s what I thought you would say.”

  
  


And then the door shuts.

  
  
  
  
  


It’s been over a week since Peter was last at the Wilson residence. He can’t get them out of his mind, even as he’s swinging through New York with his new-found freetime. 

  
  


A bright red suit catches his eye though, so he quickly changes direction to intercept it. Peter isn’t sure what to do with the sight that greets him. Deadpool is lying casually spread-eagle against the hot cement of a random roof. He doesn’t even move when Peter lands nearby, but he does let out a long suffering groan when Peter gently nudges him with his foot. He rolls over onto his side, turning his back to Peter, as he moans, “I’m sorry, Spiderbaby, but I just don’t have the energy to give your sweet ass the attention it deserves.”

  
  


Peter is not entirely sure what to do with this information, but the mercenary doesn’t appear to be up to any nefarious acts at this precise moment, so he decides to sit down next to him to ask hesitantly, “What’s the matter?”

  
  


Deadpool flips over to look at Peter for a long moment before groaning again, “My babysitter quit on me, so I’m kinda run off my feet. Unaliving people by night and  dealing with all of my daughter’s questions that I don’t even want to think about by day. So, right now I’m just basking in the freedom of pawning her off on her aunt for a night.”

  
  


Peter looks at him for a moment before saying, “I didn’t know you had a kid.”

  
  


In a flash, Deadpool’s whole demeanor changes from absolutely loose-boned to energeticly gesticulating. He practically screams at Peter, “That’s because you never asked, sweet cheeks. My little girl is the sweetest little thing you’ll ever meet. I know I’ve been complaining but my angel faced snookums really is the brightest little-”

  
  


Peter’s brain short circuits as Deadpool continues to ramble on about how smart and sassy his daughter is. So many things start to connect once Peter’s brain kicks back online. It all makes so much sense. Peter puts his head in his hands, before whispering, “Wade?”

  
  


Deadpool’s monologue stops and Peter looks up to see a gun trained on his forehead. Swallowing hard he slowly raises his hands as Deadpool - Wade - snarls, demanding an answer “How the fuck do you know my name?”

  
  


Peter makes eye contact with Deadpool before slowly slipping off his mask. It’s a risky move but Wade lets him do it. Once it’s all the way up, he looks up again. Wade’s eyes widen almost comically. A small smile plays across Peter’s face before he answers, “Because I’m that asshole babysitter that quit on you.”

  
  


The gun trained on him instantly falls away as Deadpool slumps in his position. He holds his head as he mutters, “How did I not put this together earlier? Two perfectly spankable clues were staring right at me.”

  
  


“Probably the same way that I couldn’t put together that the nights that I was babysitting the entire city would fall apart.”

  
  


A silence falls between them for a moment, walking the line between awkward and comfortable. Wade clears his throat to break it. “Does this change anything?”

  
  


“What do you mean?” Peter asks as he swallows the lump forming in his throat.

  
  


“Would you want to come back?”

  
  


“I don’t think I could do that to Ellie-”

  
  


“I don’t mean for Ellie,” Wade pauses to assess Peter’s face. He lets out a long sigh and quietly pulls off his own mask before continuing at a whisper, “Peter, I can’t function without you, and I don’t just mean watching Ellie. When you were there, I would finish a job as fast as possible so I could come home. I lived for those late night talks, and I crossed my fingers that you would lean in that much closer because I wanted to know what those lips felt like. God, I want to know what those lips feel like  _ everywhere _ .”

  
  


Wade stops for another moment as his breathing gets a little husky. Peter can feel it too as his heart begins to beat in his throat, but he lets Wade finish. “Sure, it was nice to come home to a fresh meal and Ellie tucked away, but it was so much nicer to come home to you, Peter. I’m sorry.”

  
  


“I’m sorry too.  I would love to come home.”

  
  
  
  
  


“Baby boy, you’re so good to me, opening up so prettily,” Wade huskily whispers into Peter’s ear.

  
  


Once they finished their heart to heart on the rooftop, it became a mad dash back to Wade’s house. They clumsily stumbled up the stairs without breaking their kiss, stripping themselves out of their suits, and continuing to make out like teenagers after flopping onto the bed. After a healthy amount of passionately grinding against each other, basking in the glow of their new reality, Peter let out a high pitched whine, groaning for Wade to get this moving in the right direction. 

  
  


That’s how they got to where they are now, with Wade singing Peter’s praises as he spreads his three fingers buried inside of him. Peter keens at the stretch, absolutely adoring the slight burn of Wade’s larger fingers.  He grabs Wade’s wrist as he starts to pull out to readjust. “Please don’t stop. I need more.”

  
  


Wade’s deep chuckle causes a shiver to run down Peter’s spine. Wade leans over to give Peter a chaste kiss, but it quickly becomes sloppy and open mouthed as Peter frantically clings to him. Wade pulls back to apply more lube to his fingers, whispering into Peter’s ear, “Be a good boy for me like I know you can. I want you to be all nice and stretched out for me, okay? Can you sit back like a good boy so I can pamper you?”

  
  


Peter frantically nods but Wade orders softly, “I need words, baby boy.”

  
  


“Yes, Wade. I’ll be such a good boy for you. I’ll do whatever you want me to.”

  
  


“Oh, Peter. That’s a dangerous thing to say.”

  
  


Wade gives him one last peck, but makes sure to cut it short before it can escalate again. He slides back down to his new favorite position between Peter’s legs, leaving a trail of kisses on every inch of soft flesh he passes. Wade litters a few more around the inside of Peter’s thighs before slipping his fingers in. Each breath forced out of Peter by Wade’s rough treatment becomes an airy moan. Wade gently ghosts his other hand over Peter’s weeping dick, pushing him that much closer to the edge.

  
  


Knowing that Peter isn’t going to last much longer, if the increasingly high pitched moaning is anything to go by, Wade makes fast work of the prep. Once he can comfortable pump three fingers in, Wade pulls out of a whining Peter. He kisses Peter’s thigh in a small apology one more time before crawling back up to give Peter a proper kiss. “There’s my good boy.”

  
  


A warm blush runs down Peter’s body as he kisses Wade back. His hands blindly grope across the bed before he pulls back to ask, “Where are your condoms?”

  
  


“Right here.” 

  
  


Wade pulls one out from the top drawer, but just as he goes to put it on, Peter snatches it out of his hand. “I want to do it. Can I pretty please?”

  
  


“I’ll let you do whatever you want if you say it in that pretty voice.”

  
  


“Good to know.” 

  
  


Peter flashes Wade a smirk as he leans down to roll on the condom. Wade’s eyes go wide in surprise and pleasure as Peter slowly slides his hand down his cock, making sure to return the teasing. Once the slide turns a little dry, Peter licks a long stripe up his hand without breaking eye contact with Wade just to watch his throat bob, before dropping an extra squeeze of lube for safety. When everything is to his liking, Peter gently coaxes Wade forward, pressing his dick against his ass, waiting for permission. Wade’s hips buck just a little as he lets out a low groan, but it’s enough of an invite.

  
  


Wade makes sure to keep the slide in slow as Peter spreads open around him. They’re both blinded to the outside world, the only thing that matters is each other, and the heat enveloping them both. The room fills with the sound of heavy breathing and a high whine as Wade’s mouth runs without any thought (as usual), spilling a constant stream of praise that really gets Peter going.

  
  


Once he’s all the way inside, Wade finally opens his eyes that he didn’t even he realize he shut. Before he can start moving his hips though, he looks down at Peter to ask worried, “Are you crying?”

  
  


Pulling Wade into a heated kiss, Peter whispers against his lips, “It’s a called a praise kink. Now, start moving before I have to kill you.”

  
  


Wade laughs in response. Taking the goading for what it is, he slowly starts moving his hips, making sure to watch Peter’s face for reactions, but all he sees is Peter’s eyes rolling back. More tears of pleasure slide down Peter’s face as Wade leans forward to whisper into his ear, “You’re taking me so well, pretty boy. You look so gorgeous with those tears in your eyes. You’re making me feel so good.”

  
  


“Please go faster.”

  
  


“Anything for you, baby boy.”

  
  


Wade quickly picked up the pace, slamming into Peter so hard that the slap of skin echoes around the room. Peter groans each time Wade bottoms out and tries to meet him, but Wade is going too fast for Peter to do anything but grind back. Wade perfectly fills him, each slide rubbing over Peter’s prostate. His eyes roll so far that he thinks they’ll get stuck there.

 

Even as he uproots Peter’s whole world, Wade’s mouth doesn’t stop moving. When he’s not writing soliloquies to how amazing Peter feels around him, he’s trailing kisses down Peter’s throat or ravishing his mouth. One of Peter’s hands reaches for Wade’s unoccupied hand, his knuckles white as he moans out, “Wade, I’m so close.”

  
  


“Me too, baby boy. You make me feel so good. I’m going to-”

  
  


Before he can even finish his thought, Wade’s thrusts falter. His cock twitches inside Peter, making him slam his head back against the mattress. Peter’s own orgasm overtakes him just as Wade finishes with a few more rough thrusts into him. They share their ecstasy as their hips mindlessly continue their rhythmless grind. 

  
  


Once they finish riding their high, Wade slumps against Peter’s prone form. Before he can get too comfortable, Peter pushes him off with a laugh. Wade flops onto his side of the bed with a groan, but continues to tangle his legs with Peter’s. They silently agree to bask in their orgasm for a little longer before cleaning up, so they slump against the mattress bonelessly.

  
  


Peter breaks the silence by whispering so quietly Wade has to strain to hear him, “This is a thing right?”

  
  


Wade props himself up just a little to face Peter, who is looking at him unabashedly. Wade whispers back in answer, “I’m happy with this being a thing as long as you’re happy with this thing being a thing.”

  
  


Peter flops back into his resting position, feeling pleased. “Okay.”

  
  


“Okay.”

  
  


They make heavy eye contact for a moment, before Peter slams a pillow into Wade’s face. “Don’t you dare quote John Green at me right now.”

  
  


The room dissolves into a fit of giggles as a savage pillow fight breaks out.

  
  
  
  
  


“Ellie, you better hurry it up, or there won’t be any good candy left.”

  
  


Wade and Peter exchange a conspiratorial glance as frantic footsteps pound down the stairs. Ellie rounds the corner with her hair in a few sporadically placed braids, a flat headband with feathers and beads streaming down, and a ‘Camp Half-Blood’ t-shirt that matches Wade and Peter’s. She looks mad as she throws her cornucopia bag over his shoulder. “Then we better get moving, shouldn’t we?”

  
  


Peter chuckles, “Whatever you say, Piper.”

  
  


Ellie giggles as she sprints out the front door. Peter and Wade share another smile before following her. They have been together for three years now, and Halloween has become one of their favorite traditions. They always go dressed with a family theme. With the release of  _ House of Hades _ , Ellie had insisted on this costume idea. She researched each mention of the characters’ appearances and personality traits to find which character suited who best. Ellie dubbed herself Piper, whose biting sass and little regard for the rules suit her pretty well. Peter is Jason with his diligent rule following and general leadership qualities and the most obvious choice of all is Wade as Leo with his hectic nature and penchant for setting things on fire as an easy escape. Peter was sitting on the floor crying with laughter for twenty minutes when Ellie came up with that explanation while Wade glared, trying to come up with a believable argument.

  
  


Once Peter and Wade make it outside after Ellie, Wade adjusts his wig self consciously. Peter grabs his hand to hold it and Wade groans as he rests his head on Peter’s shoulder, “I look ridiculous.”

  
  


“No, you look hot. The whole tool belt look totally does it for me.”

  
  


“I didn’t know you had a repair-man fantasy.”

  
  


“I don’t. I get more turned on by the idea that you have a talking dragon head,” Peter looks Wade up and down for a moment before mock frowning. “But sadly, you don’t.”

  
  


“Oh, shut up Mr. ‘Bottle Blond’.”

  
  


Peter runs a hand through his sprayed blond hair, it had really just turned his tips a little lighter from their original brown. He wasn’t ready to commit fully to dying his hair, which had garnered a few glares from Ellie. Teasingly, Peter snipes back, “Okay, Mr. ‘Sets Everything on Fire’.”

  
  


“I only set the kitchen on fire  _ two times _ .”

  
  


“What about the whole city of Detroit?”

  
  


Wade honestly looks sheepish as he rubs the back of his neck. “Okay. You got me there.”

  
  


Before any more geeky banter about a tween book series could pass between them, Ellie runs over to grab Peter’s hand to drag him along. “And you said  _ I  _ needed to get moving?”

  
  


Wade shouts in indignation, “Are you seriously picking holding your boyfriend’s hand over your best friends?”

  
  


Ellie looks up at Wade as if she’s seen an alien. Wade looks over at Peter for reassurance to make sure he didn’t mess up the details (he isn’t as familiar with the series as the other two because reading has always come a little hard to him), before Ellie clears her throat like she’s about to explain something to a small child, “Did you seriously think that  _ Piper _ and  _ Jason  _ are going to stay together?”

  
  


Wade and Peter exchange a look before Wade leans in to ask, “What do you mean?”

  
  


“Wade, there’s a reason I put you two together.”

  
  


With a giggle, Ellie darts off once she sees a group of her friends a little further down the street. Peter and Wade wave to the parents as Peter leans over to whisper to Wade, “We need to have a serious talk. How could you raise this child to think that  _ Jason  _ and  _ Leo  _ were going to get together when Leo and Nico are  _ clearly _ better suited for each other?”

  
  


“I know, baby boy,” Wade says, having heard plenty about Peter’s Valdangelo shipping. At this point, he knew intervening would do nothing  but escalate the situation.

  
  


“I mean it’s great that she knows I love you, but not at the expense of fictional characters.”

  
  


Wade laughs as he kisses Peter.“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed! Sorry for the chapter posting mix up!


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